Red Flags vs. Normal Relationship Challenges: How To Tell the Difference

Have you ever wondered if what you’re dealing with in a relationship is a rough patch or something more serious? It’s not always easy to tell. Relationships can be full of ups and downs, but some issues are signs of growth, while others are warnings you shouldn’t ignore. Let’s explore how to spot the difference between red flags and normal challenges so you can navigate your relationships with wisdom and confidence.

What’s Normal?

Every relationship has its challenges. You’re two different people with unique perspectives, so disagreements are bound to happen. Here are a few examples of normal challenges:

• Miscommunication: Maybe you misunderstood each other’s tone or forgot to clarify plans. For example, one of you thought “I’ll call you later” meant in an hour, while the other thought it meant tomorrow. These moments can feel frustrating, but they’re often resolved with a little patience and clearer communication.

• Different life experiences: You might come from different family backgrounds or have different ways of handling stress. For instance, one of you might prefer to talk things out immediately, while the other needs time to process. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, but also help you grow in empathy and understanding.

• Occasional arguments: Disagreeing doesn’t mean you’re doomed — it’s how you handle it that matters. Maybe you argue about how to spend your weekends or how much time to spend with friends. Healthy arguments focus on finding solutions, not tearing each other down.

Healthy relationships work through these challenges with respect, patience, and a willingness to grow together. As Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Approach conflict with kindness, and you’ll often find resolution.

Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

Red flags, on the other hand, are signs that something deeper might be wrong. These aren’t just quirks or occasional mistakes. They’re patterns that can harm you emotionally, spiritually, or even physically. Watch out for:

• Control: Do they try to dictate who you spend time with, what you wear, or how you spend your money? Control can start small, like constant “checking in,” but it can quickly escalate into something unhealthy.

• Disrespect: Are they quick to insult you, belittle your opinions, or dismiss your feelings? For example, if you share something important and they roll their eyes or make you feel small, that’s a sign of disrespect.

• Dishonesty: Do they lie, even about small things? Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and consistent dishonesty — whether it’s about where they were or who they were with — can erode that foundation.

• Isolation: Do they pull you away from friends, family, or your faith? If they discourage you from spending time with loved ones or make you feel guilty for prioritizing your spiritual life, that’s a serious red flag.

If you notice these signs, take them seriously. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reminds us that love “is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” True love reflects God’s character. It doesn’t manipulate or harm.

How To Respond

If you’re facing normal challenges, lean into communication. Ask questions, listen well, and pray for wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” But if you’re seeing red flags, don’t ignore them. You deserve a relationship that reflects God’s love and brings out the best in you.