What Does Leadership Look Like in Christian Dating?

When you're dating as a Christian, the concept of leadership can sometimes feel a bit elusive. I mean, you're not married yet, so how does it work? And, more importantly, how can you spot the qualities of godly leadership in your partner — or even in yourself? Let's break it down in a way that's real, relatable, and biblically grounded.

Leadership in Dating Is Not the Same as Marriage

First, let's get one thing straight. Leadership in a dating relationship is different because you’re not yet “one” (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is where two people fully unite, and leadership takes on the Christ-centered model of sacrificial love and submission (Ephesians 5:25). Dating, though, is more of a time to observe, grow, and prepare.

This means leadership in dating should be less about one person leading the other and more about seeing how each person leads themselves — and whether that aligns with the kind of Christ-like leadership that would bless a marriage.

Signs of Godly Leadership While Dating

Here are a few qualities to watch for in your dating relationship. If you're the one in the leadership role, these are great traits to strive toward, too!

• They Demonstrate Servant Leadership: Do they reflect Jesus' humility? Matthew 20:28 tells us that Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. Instead of insisting on always being right or making every major decision, a godly leader will listen, respect your feelings, and aim to serve your relationship rather than just their own desires.

• They Take Responsibility: Leadership means owning up to mistakes and showing accountability. Someone who quickly apologizes and works to grow is showing the type of responsibility leaders carry.

• They Have a Strong Relationship with God: Are they consistently growing in their faith? A leader can't guide others well if they're not first submitting to God's leadership in their own life. Look for someone who values prayer, worship, and scripture (Colossians 3:16).

• They Prioritize Healthy Communication: A true leader doesn’t avoid hard conversations. Do they address conflicts with kindness and patience, or do they shut down? Ephesians 4:29 reminds us that our words should build others up.

What About You?

You don’t have to just look for leadership in the person you’re dating — you can practice displaying it, too! By growing in your faith and developing qualities like humility, patience, and perseverance, you're preparing to one day be a godly teammate in marriage.

Leadership in a Christian relationship isn’t about dominating or controlling. It’s about looking to Christ as your example and leading with love, wisdom, and service. Whether you're seeing these qualities in yourself or your significant other, they’re the building blocks of strong, God-honoring relationships.