How To Identify and End a Toxic Relationship

With the right person, a relationship can be fun, freeing, and fulfilling! Dating can help you learn more about yourself — how to communicate, serve selflessly, and grow into the person God wants you to be. It can be beautiful to build a relationship with someone who means a lot to you. But what happens when the relationship feels more like a struggle than a blessing? What do you do when the relationship becomes toxic?

Recognizing a toxic relationship is the first step to freedom and healing. Here’s how you can identify one — and, with God’s wisdom, end it.  

Signs of a Toxic Relationship  

Toxic relationships aren’t always obvious at first, but over time, certain behaviors stand out. Be on the lookout for these red flags:  

• Control and Manipulation: They may try to dictate your actions, who you spend time with, or even how you think about yourself.  

• Consistent Negativity: You feel drained after being around them because their words or actions often bring you down.  

• Lack of Respect: They dismiss your boundaries, belittle your faith, or ignore your feelings.  

• Isolation: They pull you away from family, friends, and your church community.  

God created you for joy, not for relationships that harm your spirit. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reminds us, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking." If their behavior doesn’t match these qualities of love, it might be time to consider taking a step back in the relationship. 

What To Do About a Toxic Relationship

Deciding what to do about a toxic relationship is rarely simple, especially if you've invested a lot of time, love, and memories with someone. It's normal to have strong feelings and mixed emotions, even if you know things aren't healthy. Sometimes, it may feel easier to stay than to face the pain and uncertainty of letting go.

If you're struggling, know that it's okay to hope things can improve. Start with honest conversations about what isn't working. Reaching out for guidance from a counselor or trusted mentor can help both of you process what's happening and support growth and healing. Couples counseling can provide a safe space for repairing the relationship, but genuine change is only possible if both people are willing to reflect, take responsibility, and make real efforts.

If your partner won’t acknowledge their mistakes or isn’t open to growing together, it may be a sign that the relationship can’t be restored. Recognizing this can be painful, but prioritizing your well-being is important. You deserve a relationship that’s respectful, loving, and, most importantly, honors God. 

Steps To End a Toxic Relationship  

Breaking free from a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but God’s strength will carry you through. Here’s how to move forward intentionally and prayerfully:  

• Seek God’s Guidance: Pray for clarity and courage. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Lean on that promise.  

• Create a Plan: Before having the conversation, think through what you want to say and how you’ll respond if emotions run high. Write down your main points if it helps, and decide on the best time to talk. (Learn how to use “I statements” to help the conversation go as smoothly as possible.)

• Choose a Safe Setting: Whenever possible, have the conversation in a safe and neutral environment. Make sure someone you trust knows your plans, especially if you have concerns about your safety.

• Prepare for Emotional Challenges: Ending a relationship can stir up strong feelings. It’s okay to feel upset, conflicted, or even second-guess yourself. Give yourself permission to feel, and remind yourself why you’re making this choice.

• Guard Your Heart: Proverbs 4:23 tells us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Stay connected to God’s Word and protect the peace He offers.

Ending a toxic relationship can be really hard, but it leads to healing and hope. Trust that God has good plans for you — plans to prosper and not harm you (Jeremiah 29:11). With time, prayer, and support, you’ll be ready for a relationship that reflects His love in every way.